Losing A Best Friend « Thought Catalog

When it happens, you won’t want to believe it. You’ll take their word for it when they say they’re busy, swamped at work, “just doing me.” You’ll make excuses for them, put your ringer on extra loud in case they call. But you’ll still feel the change, and because you can’t rationalize it, you’ll try to ignore it.

It’s a specific kind of loneliness that hits you like a wave of nausea. When the two of you are having a beer and you realize that you have both been staring out the same window for twenty minutes, nothing to say, the opposite of a comfortable silence. When they cancel plans consistently and stall when giving you reasons. When you scroll through your contacts and stop at their name and almost call but don’t, feeling suddenly, inexplicably, abandoned and confused.

Sometimes there’s no huge fight that marks the end of a friendship. No falling out, no major disagreement. Sometimes it just falls apart for no good reason. Distance. New relationships. Priorities. Somehow these things can become more important than your connection; they shouldn’t but they do. And as we get older we tend to downsize, prioritize. Trim the corners of our lives, keeping what’s important and discarding what isn’t. Sometimes we stop needing people in our lives and it isn’t even conscious. No one wakes up in the morning actively thinking “Hmm, I think I’ll stop being friends with so-and-so today.” It just goes out with an empty fizz, like a cigarette hitting the bottom of a Coke can.

In so many ways, losing a close friend is worse than losing a lover. Lovers are transient for the most part but friends are supposed to be there for you always, or so we like to believe. Friendship is a special kind of love that’s not supposed to fade. You never expect the one person you thought you could always depend on to disappear without saying goodbye. And when they do you feel sickeningly stupid and cheated, wondering what you meant to them all along, whether you were just convenient or in the right place at the right time. You never really know for sure.

You look through pictures from back when you were happy — holding each other up drunk and ecstatic, working on art projects on a rainy Sunday afternoon — and can’t understand what happened. Reach for the phone. Attach a photo to an email, start the subject line with some fusion of “Remember this?” and “I miss you…” Get suddenly overwhelmed by a horrible emptiness and discard the draft, leaving the phone untouched. History. So much history flushed down a dirty sink.

And the worst part is, you don’t even know how to explain yourself. You know if you bring this up with them they’ll give you a blank expression and a blank excuse. You don’t want to explain how you feel. You can’t. You just want them to get it, to read you like they used to be able to. You want to take them by the shoulders and shake them, screaming Where are you? What happened?! Until you’re blue in the face. But you can’t do that either, because you’re no longer on the same level and it’s going to make you feel crazy.

In life, it’s a given that you will lose people. People will flow in and out like curtains through an open window, sometimes for no reason at all. But losing someone important to you will feel like a suckerpunch every single time, and you’ll never see it coming. Which makes the friendships that do hold out, the ones that make it through countless breakdowns and breakthroughs and changes and years, so damn important. TC mark

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"In life, it’s a given that you will lose people. People will flow in and out like curtains through an open window, sometimes for no reason at all. But losing someone important to you will feel like a suckerpunch every single time, and you’ll never see it coming. Which makes the friendships that do hold out, the ones that make it through countless breakdowns and breakthroughs and changes and years, so damn important. "

The American Scholar: The Disadvantages of an Elite Education - William Deresiewicz

Exhortation - Summer 2008

The Disadvantages of an Elite Education

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Our best universities have forgotten that the reason they exist is to make minds, not careers

By William Deresiewicz

 

It didn’t dawn on me that there might be a few holes in my education until I was about 35. I’d just bought a house, the pipes needed fixing, and the plumber was standing in my kitchen. There he was, a short, beefy guy with a goatee and a Red Sox cap and a thick Boston accent, and I suddenly learned that I didn’t have the slightest idea what to say to someone like him. So alien was his experience to me, so unguessable his values, so mysterious his very language, that I couldn’t succeed in engaging him in a few minutes of small talk before he got down to work. Fourteen years of higher education and a handful of Ivy League degrees, and there I was, stiff and stupid, struck dumb by my own dumbness. “Ivy retardation,” a friend of mine calls this. I could carry on conversations with people from other countries, in other languages, but I couldn’t talk to the man who was standing in my own house.

It’s not surprising that it took me so long to discover the extent of my miseducation, because the last thing an elite education will teach you is its own inadequacy. As two dozen years at Yale and Columbia have shown me, elite colleges relentlessly encourage their students to flatter themselves for being there, and for what being there can do for them. The advantages of an elite education are indeed undeniable. You learn to think, at least in certain ways, and you make the contacts needed to launch yourself into a life rich in all of society’s most cherished rewards. To consider that while some opportunities are being created, others are being cancelled and that while some abilities are being developed, others are being crippled is, within this context, not only outrageous, but inconceivable.

I’m not talking about curricula or the culture wars, the closing or opening of the American mind, political correctness, canon formation, or what have you. I’m talking about the whole system in which these skirmishes play out. Not just the Ivy League and its peer institutions, but also the mechanisms that get you there in the first place: the private and affluent public “feeder” schools, the ever-growing parastructure of tutors and test-prep courses and enrichment programs, the whole admissions frenzy and everything that leads up to and away from it. The message, as always, is the medium. Before, after, and around the elite college classroom, a constellation of values is ceaselessly inculcated. As globalization sharpens economic insecurity, we are increasingly committing ourselves—as students, as parents, as a society—to a vast apparatus of educational advantage. With so many resources devoted to the business of elite academics and so many people scrambling for the limited space at the top of the ladder, it is worth asking what exactly it is you get in the end—what it is we all get, because the elite students of today, as their institutions never tire of reminding them, are the leaders of tomorrow.

The first disadvantage of an elite education, as I learned in my kitchen that day, is that it makes you incapable of talking to people who aren’t like you. Elite schools pride themselves on their diversity, but that diversity is almost entirely a matter of ethnicity and race. With respect to class, these schools are largely—indeed increasingly—homogeneous. Visit any elite campus in our great nation and you can thrill to the heartwarming spectacle of the children of white businesspeople and professionals studying and playing alongside the children of black, Asian, and Latino businesspeople and professionals. At the same time, because these schools tend to cultivate liberal attitudes, they leave their students in the paradoxical position of wanting to advocate on behalf of the working class while being unable to hold a simple conversation with anyone in it. Witness the last two Democratic presidential nominees, Al Gore and John Kerry: one each from Harvard and Yale, both earnest, decent, intelligent men, both utterly incapable of communicating with the larger electorate.

But it isn’t just a matter of class. My education taught me to believe that people who didn’t go to an Ivy League or equivalent school weren’t worth talking to, regardless of their class. I was given the unmistakable message that such people were beneath me. We were “the best and the brightest,” as these places love to say, and everyone else was, well, something else: less good, less bright. I learned to give that little nod of understanding, that slightly sympathetic “Oh,” when people told me they went to a less prestigious college. (If I’d gone to Harvard, I would have learned to say “in Boston” when I was asked where I went to school—the Cambridge version of noblesse oblige.) I never learned that there are smart people who don’t go to elite colleges, often precisely for reasons of class. I never learned that there are smart people who don’t go to college at all.

I also never learned that there are smart people who aren’t “smart.” The existence of multiple forms of intelligence has become a commonplace, but however much elite universities like to sprinkle their incoming classes with a few actors or violinists, they select for and develop one form of intelligence: the analytic. While this is broadly true of all universities, elite schools, precisely because their students (and faculty, and administrators) possess this one form of intelligence to such a high degree, are more apt to ignore the value of others. One naturally prizes what one most possesses and what most makes for one’s advantages. But social intelligence and emotional intelligence and creative ability, to name just three other forms, are not distributed preferentially among the educational elite. The “best” are the brightest only in one narrow sense. One needs to wander away from the educational elite to begin to discover this.

What about people who aren’t bright in any sense? I have a friend who went to an Ivy League college after graduating from a typically mediocre public high school. One of the values of going to such a school, she once said, is that it teaches you to relate to stupid people. Some people are smart in the elite-college way, some are smart in other ways, and some aren’t smart at all. It should be embarrassing not to know how to talk to any of them, if only because talking to people is the only real way of knowing them. Elite institutions are supposed to provide a humanistic education, but the first principle of humanism is Terence’s: “nothing human is alien to me.” The first disadvantage of an elite education is how very much of the human it alienates you from.

The second disadvantage, implicit in what I’ve been saying, is that an elite education inculcates a false sense of self-worth. Getting to an elite college, being at an elite college, and going on from an elite college—all involve numerical rankings: SAT, GPA, GRE. You learn to think of yourself in terms of those numbers. They come to signify not only your fate, but your identity; not only your identity, but your value. It’s been said that what those tests really measure is your ability to take tests, but even if they measure something real, it is only a small slice of the real. The problem begins when students are encouraged to forget this truth, when academic excellence becomes excellence in some absolute sense, when “better at X” becomes simply “better.”

There is nothing wrong with taking pride in one’s intellect or knowledge. There is something wrong with the smugness and self-congratulation that elite schools connive at from the moment the fat envelopes come in the mail. From orientation to graduation, the message is implicit in every tone of voice and tilt of the head, every old-school tradition, every article in the student paper, every speech from the dean. The message is: You have arrived. Welcome to the club. And the corollary is equally clear: You deserve everything your presence here is going to enable you to get. When people say that students at elite schools have a strong sense of entitlement, they mean that those students think they deserve more than other people because their SAT scores are higher.

At Yale, and no doubt at other places, the message is reinforced in embarrassingly literal terms. The physical form of the university—its quads and residential colleges, with their Gothic stone façades and wrought-iron portals—is constituted by the locked gate set into the encircling wall. Everyone carries around an ID card that determines which gates they can enter. The gate, in other words, is a kind of governing metaphor—because the social form of the university, as is true of every elite school, is constituted the same way. Elite colleges are walled domains guarded by locked gates, with admission granted only to the elect. The aptitude with which students absorb this lesson is demonstrated by the avidity with which they erect still more gates within those gates, special realms of ever-greater exclusivity—at Yale, the famous secret societies, or as they should probably be called, the open-secret societies, since true secrecy would defeat their purpose. There’s no point in excluding people unless they know they’ve been excluded.

One of the great errors of an elite education, then, is that it teaches you to think that measures of intelligence and academic achievement are measures of value in some moral or metaphysical sense. But they’re not. Graduates of elite schools are not more valuable than stupid people, or talentless people, or even lazy people. Their pain does not hurt more. Their souls do not weigh more. If I were religious, I would say, God does not love them more. The political implications should be clear. As John Ruskin told an older elite, grabbing what you can get isn’t any less wicked when you grab it with the power of your brains than with the power of your fists. “Work must always be,” Ruskin says, “and captains of work must always be….[But] there is a wide difference between being captains…of work, and taking the profits of it.”

The political implications don’t stop there. An elite education not only ushers you into the upper classes; it trains you for the life you will lead once you get there. I didn’t understand this until I began comparing my experience, and even more, my students’ experience, with the experience of a friend of mine who went to Cleveland State. There are due dates and attendance requirements at places like Yale, but no one takes them very seriously. Extensions are available for the asking; threats to deduct credit for missed classes are rarely, if ever, carried out. In other words, students at places like Yale get an endless string of second chances. Not so at places like Cleveland State. My friend once got a D in a class in which she’d been running an A because she was coming off a waitressing shift and had to hand in her term paper an hour late.

That may be an extreme example, but it is unthinkable at an elite school. Just as unthinkably, she had no one to appeal to. Students at places like Cleveland State, unlike those at places like Yale, don’t have a platoon of advisers and tutors and deans to write out excuses for late work, give them extra help when they need it, pick them up when they fall down. They get their education wholesale, from an indifferent bureaucracy; it’s not handed to them in individually wrapped packages by smiling clerks. There are few, if any, opportunities for the kind of contacts I saw my students get routinely—classes with visiting power brokers, dinners with foreign dignitaries. There are also few, if any, of the kind of special funds that, at places like Yale, are available in profusion: travel stipends, research fellowships, performance grants. Each year, my department at Yale awards dozens of cash prizes for everything from freshman essays to senior projects. This year, those awards came to more than $90,000—in just one department.

Students at places like Cleveland State also don’t get A-’s just for doing the work. There’s been a lot of handwringing lately over grade inflation, and it is a scandal, but the most scandalous thing about it is how uneven it’s been. Forty years ago, the average GPA at both public and private universities was about 2.6, still close to the traditional B-/C+ curve. Since then, it’s gone up everywhere, but not by anything like the same amount. The average gpa at public universities is now about 3.0, a B; at private universities it’s about 3.3, just short of a B+. And at most Ivy League schools, it’s closer to 3.4. But there are always students who don’t do the work, or who are taking a class far outside their field (for fun or to fulfill a requirement), or who aren’t up to standard to begin with (athletes, legacies). At a school like Yale, students who come to class and work hard expect nothing less than an A-. And most of the time, they get it.

In short, the way students are treated in college trains them for the social position they will occupy once they get out. At schools like Cleveland State, they’re being trained for positions somewhere in the middle of the class system, in the depths of one bureaucracy or another. They’re being conditioned for lives with few second chances, no extensions, little support, narrow opportunity—lives of subordination, supervision, and control, lives of deadlines, not guidelines. At places like Yale, of course, it’s the reverse. The elite like to think of themselves as belonging to a meritocracy, but that’s true only up to a point. Getting through the gate is very difficult, but once you’re in, there’s almost nothing you can do to get kicked out. Not the most abject academic failure, not the most heinous act of plagiarism, not even threatening a fellow student with bodily harm—I’ve heard of all three—will get you expelled. The feeling is that, by gosh, it just wouldn’t be fair—in other words, the self-protectiveness of the old-boy network, even if it now includes girls. Elite schools nurture excellence, but they also nurture what a former Yale graduate student I know calls “entitled mediocrity.” A is the mark of excellence; A- is the mark of entitled mediocrity. It’s another one of those metaphors, not so much a grade as a promise. It means, don’t worry, we’ll take care of you. You may not be all that good, but you’re good enough.

Here, too, college reflects the way things work in the adult world (unless it’s the other way around). For the elite, there’s always another extension—a bailout, a pardon, a stint in rehab—always plenty of contacts and special stipends—the country club, the conference, the year-end bonus, the dividend. If Al Gore and John Kerry represent one of the characteristic products of an elite education, George W. Bush represents another. It’s no coincidence that our current president, the apotheosis of entitled mediocrity, went to Yale. Entitled mediocrity is indeed the operating principle of his administration, but as Enron and WorldCom and the other scandals of the dot-com meltdown demonstrated, it’s also the operating principle of corporate America. The fat salaries paid to underperforming CEOs are an adult version of the A-. Anyone who remembers the injured sanctimony with which Kenneth Lay greeted the notion that he should be held accountable for his actions will understand the mentality in question—the belief that once you’re in the club, you’ve got a God-given right to stay in the club. But you don’t need to remember Ken Lay, because the whole dynamic played out again last year in the case of Scooter Libby, another Yale man.

If one of the disadvantages of an elite education is the temptation it offers to mediocrity, another is the temptation it offers to security. When parents explain why they work so hard to give their children the best possible education, they invariably say it is because of the opportunities it opens up. But what of the opportunities it shuts down? An elite education gives you the chance to be rich—which is, after all, what we’re talking about—but it takes away the chance not to be. Yet the opportunity not to be rich is one of the greatest opportunities with which young Americans have been blessed. We live in a society that is itself so wealthy that it can afford to provide a decent living to whole classes of people who in other countries exist (or in earlier times existed) on the brink of poverty or, at least, of indignity. You can live comfortably in the United States as a schoolteacher, or a community organizer, or a civil rights lawyer, or an artist—that is, by any reasonable definition of comfort. You have to live in an ordinary house instead of an apartment in Manhattan or a mansion in L.A.; you have to drive a Honda instead of a BMW or a Hummer; you have to vacation in Florida instead of Barbados or Paris, but what are such losses when set against the opportunity to do work you believe in, work you’re suited for, work you love, every day of your life?

Yet it is precisely that opportunity that an elite education takes away. How can I be a schoolteacher—wouldn’t that be a waste of my expensive education? Wouldn’t I be squandering the opportunities my parents worked so hard to provide? What will my friends think? How will I face my classmates at our 20th reunion, when they’re all rich lawyers or important people in New York? And the question that lies behind all these: Isn’t it beneath me? So a whole universe of possibility closes, and you miss your true calling.

This is not to say that students from elite colleges never pursue a riskier or less lucrative course after graduation, but even when they do, they tend to give up more quickly than others. (Let’s not even talk about the possibility of kids from privileged backgrounds not going to college at all, or delaying matriculation for several years, because however appropriate such choices might sometimes be, our rigid educational mentality places them outside the universe of possibility—the reason so many kids go sleepwalking off to college with no idea what they’re doing there.) This doesn’t seem to make sense, especially since students from elite schools tend to graduate with less debt and are more likely to be able to float by on family money for a while. I wasn’t aware of the phenomenon myself until I heard about it from a couple of graduate students in my department, one from Yale, one from Harvard. They were talking about trying to write poetry, how friends of theirs from college called it quits within a year or two while people they know from less prestigious schools are still at it. Why should this be? Because students from elite schools expect success, and expect it now. They have, by definition, never experienced anything else, and their sense of self has been built around their ability to succeed. The idea of not being successful terrifies them, disorients them, defeats them. They’ve been driven their whole lives by a fear of failure—often, in the first instance, by their parents’ fear of failure. The first time I blew a test, I walked out of the room feeling like I no longer knew who I was. The second time, it was easier; I had started to learn that failure isn’t the end of the world.

But if you’re afraid to fail, you’re afraid to take risks, which begins to explain the final and most damning disadvantage of an elite education: that it is profoundly anti-intellectual. This will seem counterintuitive. Aren’t kids at elite schools the smartest ones around, at least in the narrow academic sense? Don’t they work harder than anyone else—indeed, harder than any previous generation? They are. They do. But being an intellectual is not the same as being smart. Being an intellectual means more than doing your homework.

If so few kids come to college understanding this, it is no wonder. They are products of a system that rarely asked them to think about something bigger than the next assignment. The system forgot to teach them, along the way to the prestige admissions and the lucrative jobs, that the most important achievements can’t be measured by a letter or a number or a name. It forgot that the true purpose of education is to make minds, not careers.

Being an intellectual means, first of all, being passionate about ideas—and not just for the duration of a semester, for the sake of pleasing the teacher, or for getting a good grade. A friend who teaches at the University of Connecticut once complained to me that his students don’t think for themselves. Well, I said, Yale students think for themselves, but only because they know we want them to. I’ve had many wonderful students at Yale and Columbia, bright, thoughtful, creative kids whom it’s been a pleasure to talk with and learn from. But most of them have seemed content to color within the lines that their education had marked out for them. Only a small minority have seen their education as part of a larger intellectual journey, have approached the work of the mind with a pilgrim soul. These few have tended to feel like freaks, not least because they get so little support from the university itself. Places like Yale, as one of them put it to me, are not conducive to searchers.

Places like Yale are simply not set up to help students ask the big questions. I don’t think there ever was a golden age of intellectualism in the American university, but in the 19th century students might at least have had a chance to hear such questions raised in chapel or in the literary societies and debating clubs that flourished on campus. Throughout much of the 20th century, with the growth of the humanistic ideal in American colleges, students might have encountered the big questions in the classrooms of professors possessed of a strong sense of pedagogic mission. Teachers like that still exist in this country, but the increasingly dire exigencies of academic professionalization have made them all but extinct at elite universities. Professors at top research institutions are valued exclusively for the quality of their scholarly work; time spent on teaching is time lost. If students want a conversion experience, they’re better off at a liberal arts college.

When elite universities boast that they teach their students how to think, they mean that they teach them the analytic and rhetorical skills necessary for success in law or medicine or science or business. But a humanistic education is supposed to mean something more than that, as universities still dimly feel. So when students get to college, they hear a couple of speeches telling them to ask the big questions, and when they graduate, they hear a couple more speeches telling them to ask the big questions. And in between, they spend four years taking courses that train them to ask the little questions—specialized courses, taught by specialized professors, aimed at specialized students. Although the notion of breadth is implicit in the very idea of a liberal arts education, the admissions process increasingly selects for kids who have already begun to think of themselves in specialized terms—the junior journalist, the budding astronomer, the language prodigy. We are slouching, even at elite schools, toward a glorified form of vocational training.

Indeed, that seems to be exactly what those schools want. There’s a reason elite schools speak of training leaders, not thinkers—holders of power, not its critics. An independent mind is independent of all allegiances, and elite schools, which get a large percentage of their budget from alumni giving, are strongly invested in fostering institutional loyalty. As another friend, a third-generation Yalie, says, the purpose of Yale College is to manufacture Yale alumni. Of course, for the system to work, those alumni need money. At Yale, the long-term drift of students away from majors in the humanities and basic sciences toward more practical ones like computer science and economics has been abetted by administrative indifference. The college career office has little to say to students not interested in law, medicine, or business, and elite universities are not going to do anything to discourage the large percentage of their graduates who take their degrees to Wall Street. In fact, they’re showing them the way. The liberal arts university is becoming the corporate university, its center of gravity shifting to technical fields where scholarly expertise can be parlayed into lucrative business opportunities.

It’s no wonder that the few students who are passionate about ideas find themselves feeling isolated and confused. I was talking with one of them last year about his interest in the German Romantic idea of bildung, the upbuilding of the soul. But, he said—he was a senior at the time—it’s hard to build your soul when everyone around you is trying to sell theirs.

Yet there is a dimension of the intellectual life that lies above the passion for ideas, though so thoroughly has our culture been sanitized of it that it is hardly surprising if it was beyond the reach of even my most alert students. Since the idea of the intellectual emerged in the 18th century, it has had, at its core, a commitment to social transformation. Being an intellectual means thinking your way toward a vision of the good society and then trying to realize that vision by speaking truth to power. It means going into spiritual exile. It means foreswearing your allegiance, in lonely freedom, to God, to country, and to Yale. It takes more than just intellect; it takes imagination and courage. “I am not afraid to make a mistake,” Stephen Dedalus says, “even a great mistake, a lifelong mistake, and perhaps as long as eternity, too.”

Being an intellectual begins with thinking your way outside of your assumptions and the system that enforces them. But students who get into elite schools are precisely the ones who have best learned to work within the system, so it’s almost impossible for them to see outside it, to see that it’s even there. Long before they got to college, they turned themselves into world-class hoop-jumpers and teacher-pleasers, getting A’s in every class no matter how boring they found the teacher or how pointless the subject, racking up eight or 10 extracurricular activities no matter what else they wanted to do with their time. Paradoxically, the situation may be better at second-tier schools and, in particular, again, at liberal arts colleges than at the most prestigious universities. Some students end up at second-tier schools because they’re exactly like students at Harvard or Yale, only less gifted or driven. But others end up there because they have a more independent spirit. They didn’t get straight A’s because they couldn’t be bothered to give everything in every class. They concentrated on the ones that meant the most to them or on a single strong extracurricular passion or on projects that had nothing to do with school or even with looking good on a college application. Maybe they just sat in their room, reading a lot and writing in their journal. These are the kinds of kids who are likely, once they get to college, to be more interested in the human spirit than in school spirit, and to think about leaving college bearing questions, not resumés.

I’ve been struck, during my time at Yale, by how similar everyone looks. You hardly see any hippies or punks or art-school types, and at a college that was known in the ’80s as the Gay Ivy, few out lesbians and no gender queers. The geeks don’t look all that geeky; the fashionable kids go in for understated elegance. Thirty-two flavors, all of them vanilla. The most elite schools have become places of a narrow and suffocating normalcy. Everyone feels pressure to maintain the kind of appearance—and affect—that go with achievement. (Dress for success, medicate for success.) I know from long experience as an adviser that not every Yale student is appropriate and well-adjusted, which is exactly why it worries me that so many of them act that way. The tyranny of the normal must be very heavy in their lives. One consequence is that those who can’t get with the program (and they tend to be students from poorer backgrounds) often polarize in the opposite direction, flying off into extremes of disaffection and self-destruction. But another consequence has to do with the large majority who can get with the program.

I taught a class several years ago on the literature of friendship. One day we were discussing Virginia Woolf’s novel The Waves, which follows a group of friends from childhood to middle age. In high school, one of them falls in love with another boy. He thinks, “To whom can I expose the urgency of my own passion?…There is nobody—here among these grey arches, and moaning pigeons, and cheerful games and tradition and emulation, all so skilfully organised to prevent feeling alone.” A pretty good description of an elite college campus, including the part about never being allowed to feel alone. What did my students think of this, I wanted to know? What does it mean to go to school at a place where you’re never alone? Well, one of them said, I do feel uncomfortable sitting in my room by myself. Even when I have to write a paper, I do it at a friend’s. That same day, as it happened, another student gave a presentation on Emerson’s essay on friendship. Emerson says, he reported, that one of the purposes of friendship is to equip you for solitude. As I was asking my students what they thought that meant, one of them interrupted to say, wait a second, why do you need solitude in the first place? What can you do by yourself that you can’t do with a friend?

So there they were: one young person who had lost the capacity for solitude and another who couldn’t see the point of it. There’s been much talk of late about the loss of privacy, but equally calamitous is its corollary, the loss of solitude. It used to be that you couldn’t always get together with your friends even when you wanted to. Now that students are in constant electronic contact, they never have trouble finding each other. But it’s not as if their compulsive sociability is enabling them to develop deep friendships. “To whom can I expose the urgency of my own passion?”: my student was in her friend’s room writing a paper, not having a heart-to-heart. She probably didn’t have the time; indeed, other students told me they found their peers too busy for intimacy.

What happens when busyness and sociability leave no room for solitude? The ability to engage in introspection, I put it to my students that day, is the essential precondition for living an intellectual life, and the essential precondition for introspection is solitude. They took this in for a second, and then one of them said, with a dawning sense of self-awareness, “So are you saying that we’re all just, like, really excellent sheep?” Well, I don’t know. But I do know that the life of the mind is lived one mind at a time: one solitary, skeptical, resistant mind at a time. The best place to cultivate it is not within an educational system whose real purpose is to reproduce the class system.

The world that produced John Kerry and George Bush is indeed giving us our next generation of leaders. The kid who’s loading up on AP courses junior year or editing three campus publications while double-majoring, the kid whom everyone wants at their college or law school but no one wants in their classroom, the kid who doesn’t have a minute to breathe, let alone think, will soon be running a corporation or an institution or a government. She will have many achievements but little experience, great success but no vision. The disadvantage of an elite education is that it’s given us the elite we have, and the elite we’re going to have.

betashop, 57 Things I've Learned Founding 3 Tech Companies

57 Things I’ve Learned Founding 3 Tech Companies

I’ve been founding and helping run technology companies since 1999.  My latest company is fab.com.  Here are 57 lessons I’ve learned along the way.  I could have listed 100+ but I didn’t want to bore you.

1. Build something you are personally passionate about.  You are your best focus group.

2. User experience matters a lot.  Most products that fail do so because users don’t understand how to get value from them.  Many product fail by being too complex.

3. Be technical.  You don’t have to write code but you do have to understand how it is built and how it works.

4. The CEO of a startup must, must, must be the product manager. He/she must own the functional user experience.

5. Stack rank your features.  No two features are ever created equal.  You can’t do everything all at once.  Force prioritization. 

6. Use a bug tracking system and religiously manage development action items from it.  

7. Ship it.  You’ll never know how good your product is until real people touch it and give you feedback.  

8. Ship it fast and ship it often.  Don’t worry about adding that extra feature.  Ship the bare minimum feature set required in order to start gathering user feedback.  Get feedback, repeat the process, and ship the next version and the next version as quickly as possible.  If you’re taking more than 3 months to launch your first consumer-facing product, you’re taking too long.  If you’re taking more than 3 weeks to ship updates, you’re taking too long.  Ship small stuff weekly, if not several times per week.  Ship significant releases in 3 week intervals.

9. The only thing that matters is how good your product is.  All the rest is noise.

10. The only judge of how good your product is is how much your users use it.

11. Therefore (adding #’s 9 + 10):  In the early days the key determinant of your future success is traction.  Spend the majority of your time figuring out how to cultivate pockets of traction amongst your early adopters and optimize around that traction.  Traction begets more traction if you are able to jump on it.

12. You’re doing really well if 50% of what you originally planned on doing turns out to actually work.  Follow your users as much as possible.

13. But don’t rely on focus groups to tell you what to build.  Focus groups can tell you what to fix and help you identify potentially interesting kernels for you to hone in on, but you still need to figure out how to synthesize such input and where to take your users.

14. Most people really only heavily use about 5 to 7 services.  If you want to be an important product and a big business, you will need to figure out how to fit into one of those 5 to 7 services, which means capturing your user’s fascination, enthusiasm, and trust.  You need to give your users a real reason to add you into their time.

15. Try to ride an existing wave vs. creating your own market.  If you can, catch onto an emerging macro trend and ride it.

16. Find yourself a “sherpa.”  This is someone who has done it before — raised money, done deals, worked with startups.  Give this person 1 to 2% of your company in exchange for their time.  Rely on them to open doors to future investors.  Use them as a sounding board for corporate development issues.  Don’t do this by committee.  Advisory boards never amount to much.  Find one person, make them your sherpa, and lean on them. 

17. Work with the best possible people for your project, regardless of where they are located.  

18. Co-locate as best possible but be willing to travel to remote offices to make multiple offices work.  Online collaboration maxes out at 3 to 4 weeks apart, which means you need to commit to traveling almost monthly to make remote offices work.

19. Work with people you like to be around.  There’s no sense in going to war with people you don’t like.

20. Work with people you trust like family.  

21. Work from home as long as you can.

22. Position your desk in a way in which you are staring at your co-founders and they are staring at you.  If you aren’t enjoying looking at each other each day, you’re working with the wrong people.  

23. Use a tool like Yammer to share internally what you’re working on.  It’s easier for many people (especially developers) to post a status update than to write an email.

24. Use a file sharing service like basecamp for your team.  It’s impossible for everyone to keep track of every file sent to their email in-box.  Use basecamp so there’s a history and central repository.

25. Figure out quickly what you are personally really good at and focus your personal time around those activities.  Let other people do the other stuff.

26. Surround yourself with people who fill your gaps.  Let them do the stuff they are better at.  Don’t do their jobs.

27. Work with people who are smarter than you at certain things.

28. Work with people who argue with you and tell you no.

29. Be willing to fight like hell during the day but still love each other when you go home.  

30. Work with people who are passionate about solving the specific problem you are trying to solve.  Passion for building a business is not enough; there needs to be passion for your customer and solving your customer’s problem.

31. Push the people around you to care as much as you do. 

32. Be loyal.  Cultivate and coach people vs. churning through them.

33. You’re never as right as you think you are.

34. Go to the gym and/or run at least 4 times per week.  Keep your body in shape if you want to keep your mind in shape.

35. Don’t drink on airplanes unless you are on a flight of longer than 8 hours. It ruins you and wastes your time.

36. Choose your investors based on who you want to work with, be friends with, and get advice from.  

37. Don’t choose your investors based on valuation.  A couple of dilution points here or there wont matter in the long run but working with the right people will.

38. Raise as little money as possible when you first start.  Force yourself to be budget constrained as it will cause you to carefully spend each dollar like it is your last.

39. Once you have some traction, raise more money than you need but not more than you know what to do with.  This is tricky.  Don’t skimp on fundraising because of dilution fears.

40. Spend every dollar like it is your last.

41. Know what kind of company you are trying to build.  There are very few Googles and Facebooks.  A good outcome for your business might be a $10M exit or a $20M exit or a $100M exit or no exit at all.  Plan for the business you want to build.  Don’t just shoot for the moon.  From a money-in-your-pocket and return on time spent standpoint, owning 20% of a $20M exit in 2 years is much better than owning 3% of a $100M business in 5 years.

42. Related to #41, understand whether your business is a VC business or not. A VC business is expected to deliver 10x returns to investors.  That means if you’re taking money with a $5M post-money valuation, the expectation is that you are building for a minimum $50M exit.  $10M post-money valuation = $100M target.  That’s not to say that you might not sell the company for less and everyone involved might be happy with that outcome, but that’s not what you are signing up for when you take VC money with such a valuation.  Know what the implications of taking VC money are and what it means for expectations on you.

43. Make sure your personal business goals are aligned with the goals of your investors.  The business will only succeed if you are motivated.  Investors can’t force the business to succeed.  And they certainly can’t force a CEO to care.

44. Conferences are generally a waste of time.

45. Smile.  Laugh.  Wear funny socks. I wear funny socks to remind myself to not settle for boring and to be creative.

46. Do something, anything that shows you’re not just a robot.  Let people get to know the real you.  

47. Hang a lantern on your hangups. 

48. Wear your company’s t-shirts everywhere.

49. Do your own customer service.

50. Tell a good story.

51. But don’t lie.  Ever.

52. Find inspiration in the people around you.

53. Have fun every single day.  If it’s not fun, stop doing it.  No one is making you.

54. It’s true what they say in sales, you’re only as good as your last sale.  

55. Make mistakes, but learn from them.  I’ve made hundreds.

56. Mature, but don’t grow up.

57. Never give up.

Financial Times - Tribal Workers

Check out this website I found at msittig.freeshell.org

"What most struck my friend was not the disparity of this woman's choices, but the earnestness and bad grace with which she ruminated on them. It was almost as though she begrudged her own talents, Opportunities and freedom - as though the world had treated her unkindly by forcing her to make such a hard choice."

"We're not meant to say: 'I made this decision for this person. Today, you're meant to do things for yourself. If you're willing to make sacrifices for others - especially if you're a woman - that's seen as a kind of weakness. I wonder, though, is doing things for yourself really empowerment, or is liberty a kind of trap?"

"The notion that one can do anything is clearly liberating. But life without constraints has also proved a recipe for endless searching, endless questioning of aspirations. It has made this generation obsessed with self-development and determined..."

An Intern's Guide to a Summer in the Bay Area - Alexey needs a web presence

An Intern's Guide to a Summer in the Bay Area

 

Dear Future Intern,

Welcome! You just got an internship at this amazing start-up, so you're starting to look for housing and are getting pumped for your summer. Rightfully so - the Bay Area is awesome!  

I spent my last two summers out here as an intern, first at Facebook and (am currently at my last day) at 2bkco, an early-stage, awesome start-up.  It took me a while to figure out what the things to do were out here, especially as the only intern at a small company.  Hopefully, the following will get you off to a running start:

[Note: What'd I miss/get way wrong? Let me know in the comments]

Housing

Where should I live?

Live in San Francisco, Mountain View, or Palo Alto.  As far as start-ups go, San Francisco is more artsy/hipster-ish/design-friendly, with a ton of startups mostly in the SOMA district and (from what I can tell) more reasonable working hours than down in MV/PA.  If you want a well-rounded summer, San Francisco means that there is a ton to explore around the city without going to the same place twice, from dive bars to fantastic restaurants, to Golden Gate Park to Mission Burritos.  San Francisco is fun.  I lived in Mountain View during my summer at Facebook; some friends bashed MTV as being a dead town, but I don't necessarily agree - Castro Street is a reasonable downtown, and so long as you know other interns/people in tech, you're not going to be bored. Palo Alto is just north of MTV (45 minute bike ride), a bit more upscale/happening, but therefore more expensive. 

Your mileage may vary if you live anywhere else - from what I've heard, it's tough to get out to events and there just isn't the critical mass of other interns/people from tech.  I have been especially advised not to live in north San Jose.  There area also areas of SF you don't want to live in - the Tenderloin, most of the Mission, parts of SOMA. Check out this amazing map that figures out neighborhoods in SF based on Craigslist postings.  Also make sure to check out the Walk Score of a place before agreeing to live there and aim for 75 or above.

How do I find housing/How much should I pay?

Figure out who you are going to live (probably friends from college/general friends also out in the area) and start looking. Early. Looking for housing sucks and the market is pretty competitive, so just try to get it out of the way as early as you can.

Note: it is really hard to find a more than 4-or-so bedroom house in SF. We were looking to put together a huge hacker house and it completely fell through just because of the types of houses that were on the market.

Expect to pay about $1,000 per person per month - slightly less in Mountain View, perhaps.  You can try to find something cheaper, but we were at the point where we were ready to pay up to $1,100 or $1,200 a person a month just to get something.  

In terms of tools, PadMapper is a fantastic layer on top of Craigslist that helps you look for houses that fit your criteria, including subscribing to new listings via email.  I'm still waiting for a somebody to solve Housing to Bay Area interns by owning mass inventory - I spent at least 15 hours over spring semester looking for housing.

Weather: A quick aside: San Francisco is consistently at around 55F over the summer (light jacket and jeans) and Mountain View/Palo Alto are at around 75 (t-shirt and shorts or jeans).  It rains in SF, but very rarely.  FYI, so you know what to bring.

Transportation

Public Transit

If you are not in San Francisco, try to be somewhere reasonably near your Caltrain stop - you'll be going around the Bay Area reasonably often.  I've had friends live 30 minutes away from a Caltrain stop and barely ever hang out with us as a result.  FYI: It takes about an hour to get from Mountain View/Palo Alto to San Francisco on the Caltrain. Bikes are welcome.

In San Francisco, public transportation is surprisingly awesome.  BART is the express let-us-get-you-to-popular-places line and MUNI is the normal, comprehensive transporation grid. I lived a 10-minute walk from a BART stop and was very happy with that.  

From everything I've heard, the VTA (Mountain View to San Jose, as well as other routes) sucks.  Don't depend on it as a primary mode of transportation.

Aim for a short (

Bicycle

I strongly recommend getting a bike, though. I had a 30-minute commute by bike both summers.  It was the only exercise I got all summer, and it was great.  Plus, bikes make it easier to get around Palo Alto and Mountain View, whose public transportation options are nothing to brag about.  Same goes for San Francisco - I'm a 30-minute bike ride from anywhere, and I love the freedom of not having to wait for public transit.  The Bay Area is incredibly bike-friendly: bike lanes everywhere, and awesome bike trails to hit if you're in the athletic mood some weekend.  

To procure a bike, consider one of the following options:

  • Summer rental from Stanford's Campus Bike Shop.  Rent an awesome bike for the whole summer for ~$300 and don't worry about maintenance/selling it at the end.
  • Buy a bike (either at a new bike store, for about $500 , or off of Craigslist, for ~$200) and either ship it back to your campus (~$120) or try to sell it at the end of the summer, again through Craigslist.  I ended up buying a bicycle and selling it, just to avoid the effort of the Craigslist shopper's experience.  All in all, I depreciated about $200 from my bike over the summer, marginally cheaper than having just rented it.
  • Ship one from your home/campus; again, expect to pay about $120 for shipping each way.

Rent-a-Car

Also, ZipCar is apparently friendly to 18 year-old drivers. I ended up renting a car the old-fashioned way over weekends for road trips, but ZipCar might be cheaper for evening trips.  

Things to Do (tech)

Intern-Specific

The questions an intern (especially at a smaller company without a formal intern program) is going to face is, how do I meet other interns/hear about intern-specific events that I should be going to?  I'm not sure which of the programs/list-servs below are going to persist next year, but here's what was up (that I know of) this year:

  • StartupRoots is a non-profit that hosts speaker events once a week, specifically for start-up interns. I only went to one event, but the vibe that I got was that the speakers were interesting and the community of ~50 interns that showed up to most events was a solid one.  The weekly program costs $150 or so (to cover food), and the idea (from what I understood) was that your start-up would pay for that as part of your internship.  If not, pay yourself. It's well worth it.  
  • Apparently, there was a Wednesdays.com Bay Area Intern group this summer. Unfortunately, I only found out about it while doing research for this article.
  • Your school should have a Facebook Group or a list-serv for people in the Bay Area over the summer. If it doesn't, start one. Ours at Penn was pretty useful.
  • Figure out who backs your start-up; I know that at least YCombinator, True Ventures and Andreesen Horowitz had intern programs (or at least list-servs) for interns at their start-ups.  

Any time I would hear of an event over the summer, it would be through one of these groups. It was pretty frustrating, actually, that there was not a single group somewhere for all of these intern/tech/Bay Area events.  In an effort to solve this problem, here's a group for next year.  

Intern Events

Throughout the summer, start-ups and larger companies consistently had fun events for general Bay Area interns. Throughout the summer, I either went or heard about events at Facebook, Stripe, Color, Yelp, Twitter, Bump, LikeALittle, LinkedIn, Mozilla, Twilio, Quora and Dropbox.  Several companies (LinkedIn, Mozilla, Stripe, Quora) held intern hackathons that (from what I hear) were a bunch of fun. 

How do I hear about one of these?  Keep your head up and follow the list-servs above. If there's a particular company that you are interested in, email the recruiter, introduce yourself as an intern at X this summer and mention that you'd love to check the company out/be notified of any such events. Assertiveness is impressive. From my experience, approaches like this tend to work.

General Tech Events

Intern events are fun, but it's also worth checking out what the full-time tech scene is up to.  Some recommendations:

  • Hackers and Founders and 106 Miles are two of the tech meet-ups that I've been to and can say were a worthwhile experience to have attended. You meet a lot of people starting their own companies or working at cool companies or just generally interested in talking to other people in the industry.  Github also hosts a monthly drinkup (if you're over 21) which I have not been to but hear a lot of good things about.
  • Worthwhile mailing lists that I'm familiar with include Hacker Dojo's and Startup Digest.
  • If you're the kind of extrovert that is comfortable meeting random new people, try Grubwithus, which organizes dinners for new/interesting people. 
  • If you're super extroverted and all networky and everything, check out my roommate Max Wendkos' post on networking in Silicon Valley.
  • Hackathons: There's a lot of them here. If you can't find a hackathon that's happening on any given weekend, you're not looking very hard.  I got hackathoned out somewhere around the beginning of July, so I'd advise not doing more than one a month or so.  Still, some cool hackathons that I attended that will probably be occuring next summer as well: HapiHack, BeMyApp, Mozilla's World Series of Hack and the Muther of All Hackathons.  
  • Some of my friends also attended Defcon in Las Vegas; form what I hear, they learned a ton and thoroughly enjoyed the experience.
  • SuperHappyDevHouse is a fantastic day-long hackathon/meet-up that is run by the folks at Hacker Dojo, once every six weeks or so. I met a ton of people and thoroughly enjoyed the lightning talks. You should go.

Tech Hangouts

 I'm not sure if I've got all of these, but here are some of the cool 'people with laptops hang out here and you can tell they are your kind of people' places in the area:

  • San Francisco: Check out Epicenter Cafe in SOMA and The Summit on 19th and Valencia in the Mission.  The Summit is also the I/O Ventures incubator space and has delicious drinks (Berry Bomb Cooler and Loose Leaf Tea FTW) and great food.  Epicenter Cafe's cool too, but they charge for the Wifi.
  • Palo Alto: Every time I go to Coupa Cafe, I end up meeting somebody I know from somewhere, or hear an entrepeneur pitch their start-up to a VC or Angel. Kind of fun. No wifi on weekends, sadly. 
  • Mountain View: Red Rock is the Coupa Cafe of Mountain View. Hacker Dojo is, from what I hear, a 24/7 version of Super Happy Dev House.

Things to Do (non-technical)

Start-ups are awesome and all, but make sure you actually check out the Bay Area - the weather is fantastic and there are some great things to see.

  • Bike the Golden Gate Bridge in SF: Rent a bike if you don't have one near Fisherman's Wharf, and do the two-hour bike ride through the Golden Gate Bridge and to Sausalito, (and Tiburon, if you've got the energy for it) then take the Ferry back.  Bring a group of friends. Sausalito is beautiful, the trip is well organized for tourists and a lot of fun. Don't miss this.
  • Walk Around the Santa Cruz Boardwalk: Rent a car or find somebody with one and drive down to Santa Cruz.  Check out the Coney Island-style outdated boardwalk/amusement park (I'm partial to the indoor minigolf course), hang out at the beach (take a Surf lesson if you've got the energy), maybe play some Volleyball. A quick not on Beaches in Northern California: They're pretty cold and windy, and something like two beaches have real sand. Santa Cruz is OK on a warm day.  It's still worth going, but don't expect to swim too much. 
  • Napa Valley if you're over 21 and don't mind spending $100 or so in a day, go on one of those fancy Napa Valley Wine Tasting tours (alternately, Bike and Wine tastings are fun too).  
  • Organize a weekend trip to LA or a nearby National Park: Rent a car and a cabin somewhere. Book a couple of weeks in advance. Don't expect to find a ton of space for 4th of July weekend. I never went, but a bunch of friends did and they thoroughly enjoyed the experience.  
  • Computer History Museum: another "I never went, but this comes highly recommended" things to do in Mountain View.  

That's it (so far).  Let me know if I'm missing anything.

Credit to

  • Max Wendkos for his networking research.
  • Eric Allen my boss for the summer, for introducing me to Hackers and Founders, Super Happy Dev House, and who knows how many of these others.

PS

  • You should follow me on Twitter. I tweet about hackathons and startupy things, and not too often.
  • If you're looking for a summer internship, may I recommend 2bkco?  I had a fantastic time (post on that coming up)
  • If you're a CS student/hacker on the East Coast, you should check out PennApps, our friendly neighborhood hackathon. It's a lot of fun.

 

 

jack ma - an amazing story of learning

from milton's email:

Jack Ma, of Alibaba, one of the most powerful moguls in the world - gave the keynote at CSCW.
at 7 years old, rode bike to shangri la hotel - offered to be free tour guide so he can learn different perspectives (foreigners thought different from his parents, and he learned different things from them).
when he was young, applied 30 jobs - all rejected him.  apply a waiter job, rejected.  applied to be a police officer - rejected.  applied at KFC - rejected.  failed university exam 3 times, last time passed, but score so low, only one teacher training school accepted him.  first job after university, $10 USD per month.  gave his word to university president that he would stay in his first job for at least 5 years.  Got $500 USD/mon job offer, turned down - must stick with commitments.
started company at 30 - saw the potential of Internet - never touched keyboard until 30.  searched china - nothing showed up.  put up first chinese web site.  initial biz model create web sites for chinese companies, but china was not connected to the internet yet.  invited media - 3 hrs to download the first web page.
thousands of reasons his company was a bad idea - things didn't work, chinese censors, slow network, etc.  never complaint about anything - never!
an elephant cannot kill an ant.  China TeleCom started competing w/ his company (when his company had 2 people).
focus on small companies, help small companies to succeed.  they don't make as much money as gaming, search, etc; but their vision is to help people - help the small guys to succeed - help them to lead better lives.  profit is the side effect - focus on solving a big problem to improve people's lives and the money will take care of itself.
then took on eBay (but an elephant cannot kill an ant) - everyone thought he would lose (when eBay had 95% market share, his company had 7 people, now market cap larger than eBay, created 1.5M jobs in China).  eCommerce in the US is dessert, but in China, since infrastructure is so bad, they are more needed.  goal is to be bigger than Walmart in 7 years.
be thankful of who helped you - his company is still based in Hangzhou (even when other cities are luring him) - but Hangzhou helped him when he was small.

started company by borrowing $2K from family and friends - most companies die not because they don't have enough money, but because they have too much money.  If you have money, impulse is to solve problems w/ money - but this often covers the root issue (ie, marketing spending, etc).

learning from CSCW - eliminate the word boss, fines for being late, ...

another email sent from milton:

panelists:

Carol Sormilic, the IBM VP vsee champion :)  mother of a single 9 year old (now studying in shanghai), started as a top student in US to bottom of the class in Shanghai.  Shanghai school is about 6 months a head. now spends 2 hr per night tutoring him.
James McGregor, former chief of Wall Street Journal China
Jane Ying, head of UI research Lenovo.  stanford PhD in HCI.
---
after moving from US to Shanghai on jan 1, 2011, only 1/2 as productive.  information come too late, and decisions are not made at the appropriate time due to communication barriers (long phone numbers, poor bandwidth).  she changed from a reputation of always being on time to always late on meeting - communication barriers drag on decision efficiency - carol
lenovo worked on a policy where everyone will call others by their first name.  ceo stands at company entrance, doesn't say anything but shake hands w/ you until you call him by his first name.  titles are barrier to productivity/innovation.  count the frequency the word "boss" is used in your company - it negatively impacts team productivity/innovation.  eliminate the word boss - jane
when i speak a different language, i get a different personality.  when you speak in their native dialog - you can learn their "truer" self.  the words you use define what you can talk about - your thinking.  technology defines what we talk about.  IM shapes "conversation" to be superficial, awareness, like i am going to lunch there, etc.  to have a conversation, you pick up the phone - james
people are loyal to other people, not companies.  when companies bring in folks from a particular culture, they tend to become a clique if they are allowed to hire folks like them, it will be a disaster for companies - james
when the lenovo ceo is late to any meeting even by a few min, he is fined (the money goes toward team social events).  all senior management follow this for their team as well.  the goal is to make everyone respect other team members' time (especially management to staff - to show that management's time is not more important than anyone else's).  - jane.
when looking at a fish tank, americans tend to notice the biggest fish in the tank, asians tend to notice the entire tank - jane
lots of people are not like you - a key challenge for designers - jane
people are the same everywhere - but profound differences from historical legacy.  in US, near 100% trust when you first meet someone, and gradually lose.  while in China, trust starts at zero, and build up over time.
graduates from top universities in China tend to be arrogant, but often less open minded.  companies successful in US tends to be less successful in China.  must foster a culture of open mindedness - jane

CSCW learning - history of boredom, boredom essential for creativity

the following post is from an email which milton sent to staff and i thought was interesting

the closing keynote was by Genevieve Bell, Intel Fellow.
1. the word "bored", "boredom" first coined in 1850's by Charles Dickens in Bleak House; to describe the first time in history where people have free time.  now English has the most words for boredom than any other language.  boredom has been an active area of pondering by philosophers every since.  In India, the saying is that being bored is left to the Gods, everyone else, get to work.  In Turkish, bored means you are squeezed.  In Tibetan, means an inner itch that needs to be scratched. 

2. people always had to work.  industrial revolution changed this, thus the concept of boredom became possible.
3. early Marxist advocated being 'bored' as a rejection of work - a form of resistance to capitalists
4. now most philosophers believe being bored is an expression of lack of personal meaning.  everything is pre-packaged for you - lack of meaning/discovery for yourself.
5. when you are bored, your brain EKG activity is higher than when thinking
6. boredom state is great for heightened thinking and creativity.  Best ideas come when you are bored.  Learn to doodle, use boredom and doodle to stimulate your creativity
7. embrace boredom - it is defense to over stimulating, a way to preserve sanity when too much media, thus an important state of being.
8. some physical space tends to induce boredom, like train platform
9. people like to be bored together
10. life's overheads are increasing, how many devices to plug in, passwords, paying bills, etc
11. turn off your phone, and listen to signs of God
12. Facebook suicide - when people do not try to find meaning in life, they are sucked into superficial digital stream - where Facebook becomes life
13. people are paying to be allowed to be bored - American Airlines commercial for business class - you will be unplugged - now you can think
14. aim for isolation - to artificially create boredom
15. ancient chinese gardens are designed for aimless wondering - designed to create a monotony to stimulate creativity
16. every human society has structured down time - forced boredom or quiet time.  every religion has this element

 

How to write better English

Came from an email by Yixiang.

Here are a few things I used to teach my GP students. Reason why I'm suddenly typing this is because its martin luther king jr day coming monday and he really was an awesome writer. I remember reading his speech when I was 12 and I remember the excessive use of parallelism (let freedom ring from the snow-capped rockies of colorado, let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of new york". It was rather awesome then, how ordinary words were pieced together to draw a nation together. 

Sentences are constructed through literary devices. Here are my favourites and you'll notice that sometimes, I do use them in day to day conversations. 

Isocolon - We are here to learn, to meet new people, to travel, and to grow ourselves. Here, we see parallel structure. 

Anastrophe - This is what noobs call broken grammar. But this really is proper grammar where words are used unnaturally and in the wrong order. The most famous example is, "ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country". Compare this with "Do not ask what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country". For obvious reasons, anastrophes are used sparingly and as a way to draw attention. 

Antimetabote - I really like this example from Martin Luther King Jr. "The negro needs the white man to free him from his fears. The white man needs the negro to free him from his fears". Basically, repeated phrases that are then reversed. 

Litotex - "I didn't crash my car, I only donated four thousand dollars to charity". "Daniel touched me again. Just my boobs". Basically, there is an attempt at understating things but with the opposite effect and intention.